Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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