I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
