Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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