what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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