Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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