Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
