This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize