did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
