apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
