So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
