I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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