I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
