A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
