Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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