batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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