i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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