Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
