Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
