"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize