saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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