He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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