We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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