four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
