I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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