Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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