you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
