She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
