Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
