My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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