If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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