how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
two words...techno handjob
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
