I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
