Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
