I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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