apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
only if we run a train.
done.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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