you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
