By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
