He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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