bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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