Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Houston, we have a blender
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
