we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
