I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
