I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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