I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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