wake up i wanna do it froggy style
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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