My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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