True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
