Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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