Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
