I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
