Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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