My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.