You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.