Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.