1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize