I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
