it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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