TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
