So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
